awareness · family.

This morning was one to forget.

Good morning sweeties, this morning hasn’t got off to the best of starts. My 11 year old brother refused to go to school today. He suffers from ADHD so his little mood swings are a common occurrence in our house. He was fine one minute them BAM he changed just like that, no warning nothing. He didn’t have a reason for his sudden behaviour change but then again people who have this condition don’t tend to need one.

School starts at dead on 9am so we have to get in the car before quarter to in order to get him there on time. today it was clear that this wasn’t going to happen. he decided school wasn’t on the cards today and that he was going to set up a protest in the middle of the sitting room. curled up in a ball he led there. If you asked him to get up and put his shoes on you were met with “fuck off” as a reply. He always acts this way, he will shout, he will call you names he will even occasionally throw an object in your direction. Although it can be quite scary at the time it isn’t his fault and once his moment is finished he will cry. he doesn’t want to be this “monster” he isn’t a monster at all. this isn’t my brother he isn’t a bad person this is the attention deficit taking over.

in the end he had to be carried to the car, he’s had a lot of days off already this academic year, so much so that the school have sent a letter to my parents explaining that this level off time off is not acceptable. I agree but if a person with ADHD gets an idea in there heads they will not under any circumstances bow down. they will protest and kick off until we give in. mum fought and struggled to get him in that car but she did it.

we arrived at school and mum gave him the chance to get out on his own accord before she went to get a teacher. the school are very considerate and understanding of his condition which makes the whole process just that much bearable. He didn’t want to get out of the car in fact he went and sat in the footwell between the drivers seat and Shaniah’s car seat. Children with ADHD like to have their own security and Ashley finds being curled up in a tight gap his comfort. The teacher came out, its always the same one as one symptom of ADHD is that they find meeting and interacting with people they don’t know that well extremely stressful, to be honest that’s understandable as even I find talking to new people slightly daunting. This scenario has happened before and the teacher managed to get him out within minutes and bring back that smile to his little face, today however was not going to be like that 15 minutes had passed us by and it was now 9:10am, 10 whole minutes after school had started. it got to 9:20am by now everyone was already 5 minutes into their first lesson. A passing teacher decided to try and help. she strolled over stood by the car door and offered him a cupcake. this week is the last week of term before they have half term holiday so she had brought them in for her colleagues. Ashley immediately perked up! (who wouldn’t when you’ve just been offered a free cake?) He was told the cake was his on one condition, he got out the car. Now for cake he’d do anything so out the car he jumped. He got to choose a cake  and off he went into school.

On the outside looking in.

Shopping trips or days out with Ashley can be hard. Some trips are fine yet others can turn into a nightmare, not out of choice but out of the fact he cannot control what’s around the corner. One trip that will stay with me forever is a trip to our local shops. Something triggered Ashley into flipping, we have no idea what it was but he had a meltdown in the middle of the aisle, us being used to his antics left him to it, gave him space to let it all blow over. He was going like the clappers, giving it all he had when all of a sudden a old bloke came down the aisle and muttered “I’d have given him a slap by now silly boy”. This really infuriated me as I knew that my brother does not need a slap, he does not need me or mum getting in his face and shouting because he isn’t being naughty.What he does need though is the world to understand him, you see he isn’t a bad person and he wouldn’t intentionally hurt a fly. People with ADHD can not control the emotions they feel.doesn’t mean we need to discipline him,that’s not how ADHD works and in reality I doubt it would make the slightest bit of difference if we tried. Next time you see a parent/guardian with a child playing up stop and all they’re doing is calmly talking to the child or ignoring it. don’t make nasty remarks, don’t tut and don’t under any circumstances give the parent a dirty look. That parent is more than likely dying inside, they’re probably so conscious of the publics views that they just want the earth to open up and swallow them, they may want to just pick up their children and run for that door. Spare a thought for how they feel because I can guarantee that they are trying their best to keep their child calm and make the experience as enjoyable for everyone as they are for their child.

We need educating on ADHD because its not how you may view it.

dsc00106
He’s not a monster, he’s just misunderstood.
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