When I was 12 I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. Life beforehand was about as perfect as it could be when you’re approaching your teenage years!
Before I was diagnosed with Epilepsy I was extremely fit and healthy I was able to shift a could within days and I very rarely had time out of school. But one afternoon whilst I was sat in an English lesson it all went black. To this day I still have no memory of anything that happened before that afternoon, I simply go by what family and friends have told me and by photos.
It took a while to be diagnosed with the condition, within that time I had had more seizure than I care to remember and hurt myself more times than you could shake a stick at. The life I had known before was drifting away from me along with my friends. The once cheery me had suddenly become withdrawn and enclosed in myself.
The school staff’s moods towards me changed and the lessons I once loved participating in I was being withdrawn from, simple subjects like P.E and History were no longer a place I was welcome. Their reasoning behind this? The Interactive whiteboards MAY cause a seizure… Now my specialist had written them a letter stating that nothing had to change and that I was still able to live a normal school life, the teachers however believed they knew different. The school prom every child reams of since year 7? I was no longer welcome to, In fact they told me straight that I couldn’t go in case I have a seizure and ruin it for everyone else. Again my specialist phoned and sent numerous letters about how a Prom is unlikely to set me off and how they’re a fine act of discrimination. Did that make them change their minds? Did it heck. They had made their minds up and there was nothing any of us could do to change that.
Now, by this time I was getting more and more low. I was very emotional and just not the person that I used to be. I didn’t want to go to school or go play with my friends, instead I wanted to just lay in my bed and sleep the days away. This went on for weeks so in the end my parents booked me in to the doctors and that is where I was diagnosed with Anxiety/depression. Unbeknown to me most people who are diagnosed with epilepsy also get diagnosed with this too. They seem to come hand in hand.
Just like my Epilepsy my anxiety flares up on occasions. It’s not there 24/7 some days I’m happy and can get on with everything, other days I find myself crying and dreaming off my bed.
This week, my epilepsy has been flaring up and likewise so has my anxiety, Like I’ve written here im worrying about my teeth again. Why?? It all started again when we took a trip to our local soft play and the baguette I had ordered was stale it was very hard when made my tooth become slightly wobbly, like before this tooth has a habit of becoming wobbly at times but then once left alone fixes itself. This time however I can’t leave it alone, every time I’m near a mirror I will check it then I will walk away and have a thought that it was getting worse so I’d go straight back and check it. I’ve even cried about it on numerous occasions even asking my other half if I lose it will he still love me… I bet you’re thinking why don’t you just got to the dentist? Well, I’ve booked on many occasions then backed out and cancelled imply because I am afraid of them. Yes I would love for them to be able to help me out and hearing from a professional that my tooth is going to be just fine will help me out no end, but deep down I just cannot bring myself to do it. Ryan is starting to get annoyed by my constant checking and talking about it non stop so today I decided I will book an appointment and I will go only to be greeted with “Sorry we don’t have any spaces for new people at the moment”. Look’s like I am just meant to worry for a bit longer.
It’s got so bad that I am even scared to eat my food. I will make up excuses like I have eaten before Ryan came home or that I am no longer hungry and so on. Days where I am busy or out with family I find doesn’t effect em too much as I am too busy to check upon said tooth, but today after a very, very busy fun packed weekend I have found myself feeling down again also a little scared. After every food or drink I will check it at least 3 times in one bathroom trip.
When will this end?